Mount Pleasant Sambal No. 2, the sequel.

Nicely spicy.

Second lively installment of the perennially favorite condiment, topical antiseptic, scorching decongestant and sizzling masochistic genital ointment. Sadly, a bumbling duo of pilfering ass hats pillaged the prized pepper patch of all ripe cayenne, banana and Carmen varieties. Twice. Bastards. In a dastardly act of vigilante community garden justice, the remaining peppers were delicately laced with a retaliatory agent of thallium, syphilis, plague pox, Visine™ and unripe persimmon…though it was foiled by the analgesic properties  of immature puckering persimmons (high-five to the Native American community), notably their remarkable ability to tighten tissue around burns thus reducing “ooze” and in treating gastrointestinal bleeding. Plunder at your own peril regardless. I will ferment your soul and eat it with rice.

Sgt. Pepper’s Homely Heartburn Brand. Letterbox edition.

Only the cayenne peppers would have provided any heat. In their absence, habanero as well as other higher Scoville percentile peppers (serano) were necessary for the capsaicin foundation and milder types (Carmen, banana) stretched the quantity while dumbing down the intensity (a warm-body modus operandi which lends itself well to stretching a single intense date into plenty of not quite boring, but tolerable ones). Garlic, fiery rhetoric and bay leaves were the flavoring agents, though they probably are only detectable by the nerds’ spectrometers over at CookingIssues or a Jedi sommelier.

Waiting for fizzle. For rizzle shizzle.

Peppers were washed, tops removed and ground through the small die of the meat grinder with the garlic, bay, rhetoric, and the brass nipple tassel things from a bolo tie that is not necessary to wear when using a meat grinder. Sea salt comprised 3% of the weight of the ground peppers, the mixture going into a sterilized glass mason jar and then left out at room temperature for the salt and fermentation do its thing. A plastic pint container lid was perforated and placed on the surface of the pepper gruel to keep it below the surface of the brine it would release thereupon preventing any mold formation. After a week or so the peppers would run their course and bubbling would cease a.  Mixture would be drained and then 50% vinegar added to the strained liquid which is then added back to the mixture until a desired consistency it reached. The resulting sterile brine ensures that the refrigerated product has an immortal shelf life, which is praiseworthy as far as homemade condiments go.

One of the few opportune times for hot & spicy gas.

Chili Chili, Bang Bang: Lost of bang for the buck. Peppers cost less than $7 and will provide enough hot sauce to last a year. On second thought the bay leaf shouldn’t have been ground up as it is not exactly pleasant to eat bits of bay leaf. The sauce is pretty damn hot and a little goes a long way. Eventually, an onion purée can sweeten the sauce a bit and offer a creamier consistency while slightly muting the heat. In the mean time, Mt. Pleasant sambal is a welcomed condiment for rice, soups, pizza, backgammon, Mexican, Persian, thespian, lesbian or whatever else it is that you like to do with hot sauce during the colder months.

Advertisements